Books for Being a Better You

Here are a few books that will help you be a better person. To start, though, you've got to know yourself. Next stop: happiness!

 Who are you? What’s important to you? What isn’t? Do you ever think about these things? Sometimes we go through life feeling “this is just the way it is,” without re-evaluating our needs and goals. Some people are unhappy without ever trying to figure out why, or what would make them happy.

My Life - A Workbook is designed to help the reader understand what’s going on in his or her life and decide if improvement is needed. Best of all, the reader gets to figure out what needs to be done, rather than being told the steps to take for true happiness, success, wealth, whatever (as if the same steps would work for everyone).

My Life - A Workbook  introduces you to you (together you can work anything out). Getting to know yourself may be difficult at first. Some people spend their entire lives avoiding that onerous task.

Author (and psychotherapist) Lyzz Yamazaki eases the burden by starting with some simple questions (gender, schools attended, favorites) and encourages readers not to labor over the questions. Write down the first thing that comes to mind; if a question is hard, come back to it later. This is not a timed test; “later” can be tomorrow, next month, or next year.

Yamazaki does encourage readers to finish the test, though. Once you have completed the initial introduction, Yamazaki offers tips on interpreting what you’ve written (as well as what you haven’t written). It may seem odd, but it’s fun to spend time thinking about yourself. We have a tendency to just “be,” without examining what it is we are.

The first chapter is an introduction to the facts about you; in chapter two you will go deeper, examining your attitudes and feelings. If you’re a wise guy (I am) there’s a temptation to be flip with your answers (when asked what my happy inner child would like to do, I immediately think “take a nap.”) Resist temptation! If you are serious about looking at your life, you must answer the questions seriously.

You can always go through My Life - A Workbook a second time, allowing your inner-Vinnie Barbarino to answer all the questions. (Wait! “What a great idea!” she said boastfully. You could assume the personality of different celebrities and fictional characters, answering the questions over and over as you think they would. Or you could have a life.) 

The ensuing chapters cover love, relationships, money, and “vision.” The “Love” chapter is surprisingly short, but then “Relationships” delves into some of the same areas, how you are and feel about other people. I have a strange, love/hate relationship with money; I love to spend it, but hate not having it. My favorite questions in the “Money” chapter deal with a theoretical $10,000.

Yamazaki asks you to imagine that you could scream “I want money” and get ten grand. This is followed by three questions: 1) “where would you scream that?” (a bank); 2) “Reasons for choosing that place” (I know there’s lots of money there. At least, I hope there is.); and 3) “Suppose you had to use up that money in five minutes, what — excluding the option of saving it — would you spend it on?” (change answer #1 to my favorite store and answer #3 would be “gift cards!”). 

For some people, money may be the most important topic in the book, for others it may mean next to nothing. Ironically, this doesn’t necessarily reflect how much money people have. With our societal attitudes, uncovering our relationships with money can reveal a lot about the individuals we are. “Money” is a look into priorities; discovering your own feelings about it may be uncomfortable. 

“Visions” is about the future. Hypothetical situations are proposed, and the reader answers some very big ifs. This is another short, but intellectually intense, chapter. Like each of the preceding chapters, it concludes with interpretive information as well as some suggested exercises. 

I like this book. A lot. It can be fun and it can be therapeutic. It will not cure major mental illnesses (if there are such things), but it gives the reader insight into themselves. It allows us to take the time to understand ourselves which may lead to reprioritization. The questions are not meant to be painful (though there are a few that I will never answer), and Yamazaki is a comforting host for the tour through our own psyches.  

Bottom Line: Would I buy My Life - A Workbook? Yes. I would buy it; I would do the exercises, and then — sometime in the future — I would do them again.

How important is one person’s self-esteem, or lack of same, in the dynamics of our society? According to Judith Umlas, author of The Power of Acknowledgement, we can make a positive change in our world by giving a boost to those around us. It doesn’t cost anything — unless you count a few seconds of your time.

Acknowledgment is not just saying “thank you,” although there are a number of us who still need practice with that simple phrase. It is telling a person why what they did or are doing is valuable or appreciated. By acknowledging the worth of someone else’s contribution, we are lifting their spirits, validating them.

While I was unfamiliar with this theory, about 15 years ago I realized I appreciated people who were giving more than required (e.g., the cashier who packed my groceries like they were her own), but, being terminally shy, I never said anything. It occurred to me that if I were having “nice thoughts” about someone, she might like to hear them, and I slowly began sharing these thoughts.

Basically, that’s what acknowledgement is. By telling someone that what’s being done is noticed and appreciated, you are giving him or her a lift. Umlas advises that it takes practice, and comments must be sincere, but that the results are gratifying. As we make others feel better, we too will feel better.

Some people seem to “naturally” express their gratitude, as well as positive reinforcement, to those around them. For others, a few lessons are necessary. The Power of Acknowledgement gives us a set of principles and the information necessary to make it work in building better relationships, neutralizing jealousy, and producing results in the workplace. There is also a chapter on overcoming obstacles/reaping rewards and one on acknowledgement’s health benefits.

Umlas suggests that to start, we should acknowledge strangers. She explains that it is easier as strangers are less likely to question our motives. She gives examples of positive reactions to acknowledgments she has given and received. Another advantage with strangers may be that these would be brief social transactions.

People may not expect to be acknowledged for just “doing their jobs” or minding their responsibilities, but having one’s efforts noticed is a wonderful pick-me-up and incentive to continue doing well. Umlas makes the point that people can also be acknowledged by being asked for help or advice. Just as she provides methods, she explodes myths.

The Power of Acknowledgement includes a list of people the reader could acknowledge and suggestions on how to do so. The process is simple and you really can “make someone’s day.” My only concern with the recommendations is the strong-arming of someone who is not comfortable being affirmed. If someone is shy or does not like being the focus of attention, that should be respected. For many of us, it does feel good when our efforts are appreciated and our talents are recognized; but for a few, notice can be excruciating.

The Power of Acknowledgement is based on the author’s experiences and observations. Many of her ideas have been discussed at length elsewhere, and she provides a brief bibliography. The concepts are endorsed by common sense; we feel that they are valid because theyfeel right.

There is nothing startling in The Power of Acknowledgement, but it contains good advice that is worthy of reflection. Would the world be better if everyone felt better? Maybe that’s too much of a simplification, but I’ll bet my world would be better if everyone in it felt good about themselves. Requiring such a negligible contribution, it’s worth a try.

Bottom Line: Would I buy The Power of Acknowledgment?  MAYBE--not for me, but it would make an excellent gift. 

If “new age” is about spiritual consciousness-raising, then Alphatudesby Michele Wahlder is definitely a new-agey experience. Wahlder was inspired to write this book after a bout of insomnia which she cured by counting her “blessings instead of sheep,” which sounds like a good idea for a song. She defines “alphatudes” as “a person, place, or thing for which one alphabetically expresses gratitude.” This is how it works: you go through the alphabet naming things for which you are grateful and you meditate a bit on their meaning in your life.

The idea is that everyone will have a different set of alphatudes, and they may change. My set would start out “accordions, books” then quickly degenerate to “candy, donuts, egg nog, fudge…” at which point I would be so distracted by cravings that I’d lose interest in the theory of being blessed, and indulge in the ritual. For those who are gratitude-impaired, Alphatudes includes 26 things for which we can be grateful, such as choices, kindness, and music. The reader should look at these as suggestions, since one might not be particularly grateful for some of the things included on the list. Are you grateful for your “eXes”? I would go more for “x’s and o’s” (tic-tac-toe, hugs and kisses) or x-rays, both of which play a larger part in my life than ex- friends and lovers. I guess that means I would substitute “letting go” for “laughter,” but I’m pretty grateful for laughter, aren’t you? Okay, I admit it, I think that “new age” is code for “new things to annoy Bob.”

If I put aside my new age prejudice, though, I will admit that Alphatudesis a beautifully assembled book. The illustrations are enchanting, a mix of nature and fantasy that one finds in dreams. Each chapter corresponds to a letter of the alphabet, and is comprised of illustrations highlighting the appropriate letter, a quotation about the appreciated item, the author’s reflection on the object of gratitude, and a prayer. The prayers assume that you believe in a creator or responsible entity, but instead of thanking God for bagpipes, one could say, “I hope that I will always know and understand the difference between bagpipe music and geese being strangled. One is good; the other is bad.” Self-talk can be spiritual.

Bottom Line: Would I buy Alphatudes? Not for myself… it really is a lovely book, though, and would make a fine gift. I don't doubt that most who read it will find it inspiring.